Instead of the resentment being an obstacle, it's a reminder. Feeling irritated, restless, afraid, and hopeless is a reminder to listen more carefully. It's a reminder to stop talking; watch and listen. It's a reminder to use tonglen practice to allow some space.

For example, you hate this person who is standing in front of you. You just wanted to help a hungry person get food, and then you find yourself talking to the enemy- a bureaucrat, a politician, THEM. All you do is get more and more angry at them, so nothing happens. They grow more stubborn as you grow more furious and polarized and the sense of huge me versus huge THEM increases.

When we feel resentment, the words that we speak, the actions that we perform, and the thoughts that we have aren't going to produce the results that we're hoping for. Beyond that, we're so aggressive that we're not exactly adding any peace and harmony to the world. Resentment becomes a reminder not to feel bad about ourselves but to open further to the pain and to the awkwardness.

If we really want to communicate, we have to give up knowing what to do. When we come in with our agendas, they only block us from seeing the person in front of us. It's best to drop our five-year plans and accept the awkward sinking feeling that we are entering a situation naked. We don't know what will happen next or what we'll do